December 30th dawned cloudy and rainy, but my heart was singing. There was new life growing inside. My sleepy husband groaned, " Just 10 more minutes of sleep..."
"You're gonna have a lot of sleepless nights in about 9 months," I warned. (technically 7 1/2)
"You're pregnant???"
And so the excitement began.
A day trip to Tilden Park was already planned for. Rain or shine, the place was gorgeous! Slippery stone staircases made for an adventure with the stroller. The place was speckled with little bridges, benches to rest and reflect on what a wonderful Creator we have, and a myriad of botanical life.
I was nearly bursting to tell someone the news of our baby. How many times I asked my husband that night at church, "Should we tell them, should we tell them?" He says I'm a glutton for reaction and in that, he's probably right. At least a glutton for a good reaction.
New Years Eve was upon us and there I sat, browsing web page after web page, searching for the perfect "I'm a big sister" shirt for our little girl. The photo card, announcing our little one, was picked out. It was going to be great.
Friday morning we had a sweet little brekky date at a coffee shop. Then off to school to prepare for the coming semester. Friday nights are our time to spend with Jacey's grandparents, Dad & Mom Warner.
Timing is in God's hands. Little did I know that my 2 days of pure bliss were to be cut short. On New Years Day, my precious new little one went to rest in the arms of Jesus. I may not know why or understand it all, but I can trust my Saviour. He knows what's best for me.
While I never held my baby in my arms, my heart will forever hold him. It's still hard. Random moments of weeping over our loss. An ache that just doesn't seem to go away. Not to mention pregnancy hormones. While going through our loss, Jacey was cared for by her grandparents. David came home from work to be by my side. I feel I am never grateful enough for this man of mine. I love him so. Later, while at the ER, Jacey was looked after by our pastor's family. God is good through it all.
Saturday and Sunday were hard. Every song sung or played spoke on loss, peace or heaven. Our church rallied around us and shared verses that helped them get through their own personal loss & prayed with us.When all I wanted was a hug from my mom, the "moms" in my spiritual family wrapped their arms around me and comforted.
Do I question God? How can I? God is the Creator of life. His plan is far above mine. Psalm 113:2, 3 says, "Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and for evermore. From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the Lord's name is to be praised."
Job 1:21 "And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
In a way, I am thankful. My child never suffered. I need never fret or pray for his salvation. Heaven is so much the more sweeter. 6 weeks on earth vs. an eternity praising God? How can I complain? God is so good. And yes, my heart is singing, "How Great Thou Art."
